BRB just gonna recharge real quick.

Somewhere between a sneeze and a fart.

The vet stuck a thermometer in my ass.

This color really brings out my fear of heights.

Take me home.

Started from the bottom. Now take me home.

Yes, this is an endorsement.

I write a newsletter about politics and shit.

You should subscribe.

I’m aware of the effects I have on women.

Just a dog and his website.

Standing desks are the worst.

Today I fell into a bush.

Haters will say it ain’t real.


Everybody tells me I lack self awareness.